Could it be because I have a deeper, better REM sleep, now that the OCB (Old Crazy Bastard) is no longer a factor in my homelife? Maybe...I am sleeping much more peacefully since the move, it's EXTREMELY serene in my bedroom. I have 4 windows and I haven't been using the A/C's at night, just opening two of the windows wide (I told Magpie it looks like a Stevie Nicks video from the 80's because it's been so windy/breezy lately, that the long purply curtains are always blowing out dramatically) and since I'm at the back of the building, I hear no street noise. It's almost as if I'm in the woods, like by a river or something, because if any of you have ever slept by a lot of trees or outside at all, there is this gentle humming sort of whistling noise that the wind through the trees makes. There is a courtyard down below with a ton of trees and so I go to sleep to this sound and its actually very soothing. It's sort of a wild space back there too, because apparently they are working on landscaping it but in the meantime, part of it is partially torn up, with trees cut down and laying on the ground and wild ferns and long, uncut grasses so it's actually cool I think - unlike a park or most courtyard spaces that are perfectly groomed, this looks like what you would find in a real forest - completely untouched with a ton of birds and squirrels fluttering and running around. There is this space on Houston that has been left alone for years in order to let the natural forest and vegetation grow back to give us the idea of what that area really looked like say 300 years ago - and that's sort of what my "back yard" looks like. Anyway, at first, I thought the view atrocious but I thought well really, how often do I look out the windows except to see what the weather looks like? But I've grown fond of it, so there, see how that all works out?
Anyway, the dreams:
On Tuesday night, I had a dream that my mom and my Aunt Judy and I were driving to my grandmother's house to check in on her and when we got there, I saw her lying on her bed with her eyes closed and I started screaming, "she's dead" and I was so upset and Judy and Mom started crying and then my grandma opened her eyes and sat up and said, "no I was just asleep, I haven't been feeling well" and everything was fine and we just sat around and talked with her at her house. I guess its just that I miss her but it was nice to see her and it was one of those dreams were it feels very real and I woke up feeling like I had really spent time with her, so it wasn't a bad dream, just unusual.
Last night, the dream was a bit cloudy so I don't remember all of it now (should have written it down when I woke up!) but I do know there were scary/freaky/weird parts and Otto the Really Nice German Real Estate broker who got me this apartment came to help me get out of some "bad" situation and he told me that he needed to perform an exorcism on me and then after that, all would be well again and all my bad luck would disappear. Wishful thinking? Hopeful about the new apartment and fresh, clean start that a new phase can bring? Ah who knows, maybe I just miss Otto too.
One thing I've been thinking about the past few days is a phrase someone said to me last October: this woman I know who is very spiritual and very wise told me, "you will always suffer discomfort until you learn to rest in your faith" and I just like that idea a lot and I've been trying to remember that. To not struggle against things so much, to not worry or be fearful, especially since so much of it is out of our control - that is resting in faith, faith that things will work out and if not, that you will handle it and move on.
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